Jan 25- Imperfect

Meditation: Chopra, Creating Abundance: Abundance and the Law of Pure Potentiality 
Length: 15 minutes
Where: Couch, Living Room, Los Angeles
How It Felt: Inspiring!

Day 8 Centering Thought: “Through the Law of Pure Potentiality, I can create anything, anytime, anywhere.”

I have something exciting to share! I finally did a meditation that didn’t really work!

Ok, I know that sounds funny, but let me explain. I did a “bonus” meditation to help me fall asleep last night (what’s up, extra credit?). It was “Drifting Off with Gratitude” from the Calm app, a 42 minute sleep session. If you’ve read my earlier posts, you know I was a bit overwhelmed by the magical quality of my sleep meditations so far. They have all put me to sleep, fully and completely, and kept me that way for the rest of the night. They also cured my RLS! A miracle!

Yesterday and today I’ve been a bit manic. Not too bad, just a little bit of good stress triggering some manic symptoms. Last night, natural sleep wasn’t in the cards for me. Still, I thought a meditation would be just the trick.

Alas, it didn’t work. I didn’t get that warm fuzzy feeling and drift off into dreamland. My legs bothered me to the point I had to take something. I maybe got two solid hours of sleep all night.

So why am I happy?

I think there is something nice about the moment you see imperfections. It’s like seeing someone as a full human being instead of an idol, or when a hot girl farts in front of you. It’s comforting to know nothing is perfect! You don’t have to worry about it not being perfect anymore, either.

So, I’ve learned a lesson. The chemicals that come during manic episodes sometimes need a little extra help to tame. That’s ok! I’ll remember it in the future, and do what I need to in order to get a good night’s rest.

Now, onto the official meditation for today!

I settled into the couch and started the session. As Deepak talked about the myth of scarcity and lack, I got an idea for an essay I wanted to write about my experiences with poverty and how we shouldn’t wish struggle on others simply because we struggled. The entire outline of the piece came to me all at once, and I paused the meditation and had to write down a first draft. Oof!

Take two! I started it over again, and this time really focused on the part where Deepak discussed letting go of judgement. This is something I’m really working on right now. I’ve always thought of myself as an extremely nonjudgemental person, and in most important ways, I think I am. I absolutely don’t judge anyone who lives life differently from the norm. I don’t judge body sizes or big life choices or gay people or poor people or whatever it may be. I don’t even judge bad choices as long as the person is taking ownership of them. It’s your life, dude!

However, in the work I’ve been doing lately to rewrite crappy subconscious “lessons” I learned at a young age, I’ve realized all the ways I do still judge as a defense mechanism. Some I don’t mind- I will judge you for being a White Supremacist or beating your wife. Those are healthy forms of judgement, I think. We need those to keep the human race in check.

I do need to stop my day to day judgement of others, though. As I’ve looked at myself, I’ve found I tend to focus on the negative at times to keep people at arms length. For instance, if someone in my life is sort of annoying, but also smart, kind to me, and hardworking, I will often home in on how annoying they are. It’s probably a way of finding fault so I don’t have to let people get too close, and it’s damaging.

I also hold people to a crazy high standard, and I could afford to relax that. Growing up in an environment where adults tended to not take responsibility for their lives (and often it got passed to me) I have very little tolerance for people who can’t step up and do what needs done. Especially people who choose to have kids, for instance, and then don’t bother to put much effort into raising them. I’m not saying there should be a free pass, but I think my life experience takes away some of my empathy for people who are, after all, only human.

Ahhh, what a joy to watch your empathy grow before your very eyes. To be a bit humbled, to remind yourself you’re just as “only human” as the rest. Feeling grateful for that today.

“I did a sleep meditation and all I got was this lousy quote!” (haha)