Feb 2- Can’t Stop Won’t Stop

Meditation: Calm, Letting Go Into Sleep
Length: 32 minutes
Where: In My Bed, Los Angeles
How It Felt: Interesting

As excited as I always am to do the “Creating Abundance” meditations, I’m struggling to make time in my schedule for them. My days tend to have so many moving pieces that it’s just difficult to fit them in. However, I know that is just a challenge to overcome. I can find ways to prioritize anything if I really want to. Something to work on!

Yesterday I had a contractor coming to open up our kitchen ceiling so they could check for water damage and dry it out (read about the great leak adventure here), the second day of auditions for the play I’m currently directing, casting decisions to make and email offers to send, an appointment to grab my books at the library, an HOA meeting (which I did not find time to attend!), and about a thousand little tasks to cram in between the bigger things. Plus, I was determined to go see my baby sister because it was her 30th birthday!!

Guys…. my baby sister is some kinda real adult! It’s crazy!

Also, that meant driving to her place in west LA, on the other side of the 405. This is love, folks. Deep, real, sisterly love.

Not to blow you away but…. I even found time to wash my hair. I know. I’m basically a superhero.

Don’t worry, I’m back to being super gross today.

Anyway, the point is this: the second I get busy, meditation becomes less of a priority, which I realize is probably backwards. When things get wild, you need to stop and sit in stillness more than ever. I will work on this!

The sleep meditation was perfectly lovely, as always, but something weird happened. As it went on, I found myself getting more anxious. I have no idea why. Maybe… maybe it was the first time all day I really stopped, so all these thoughts that were running in the background of my brain came forward. It isn’t like anything really stressful is happening in my life, so it was extra strange. Besides the pandemic, I have to say things are actually going extremely well!

Still, I had my hand on my heart and I felt it starting to race a bit. I tried to slow my breathing but it was a challenge. I had one of those moments when you start to almost panic because you don’t even know why you’re starting to panic. I really tried to scan- is there something I’m not acknowledging that is secretly upsetting me? I could think of a couple little annoying items, mostly related to a person in our lives who is determined to always be as difficult and obnoxious as possible, but really she doesn’t bother me anymore. I paid attention, though- am I being honest? Does this bother me more than I realize?

I kept coming back to the same conclusion. If anything, I feel sorry for her. I can’t imagine letting my whole world be consumed by hate and bitterness. I think that’s sad. Besides, the most recent annoying things she’s done are just silly, really.

Ok, so what was it? I had no answer.

Maybe I was missing my husband? (5 days until he comes back!) That gets me anxious sometimes. Maybe I was just feeling overwhelmed by everything I knew had to get done? I don’t know!

Here is the great thing: I learned a good lesson. I must have needed to stop and check in with myself, and unfortunately I put it off until it was time to sleep. What a great reminder that we need extra meditation sessions when life gets crazy! The subconscious stuff that comes out in the stillness needs to be seen and heard. It always rises to the top one way or another!

The meditation did not put me to sleep. I did a hypnosis session right after that did, however, so that was nice. I feel like I’m very, verrrry slowly getting back to my healthier sleep habits. Running myself into exhaustion is probably helping with that! I am incredibly grateful to have the chance to reset, though. Not complaining at all.

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming….

Last night’s meditation quote ❤