Feb 18- Tired

Meditation: Calm, Easing Depression
Length: 10 minutes
Where: Home Office/Guest Room, Los Angeles
How It Felt: Difficult

I’m tired. Tired, tired, tired.

I’ve been creatively, socially, mentally, and emotionally engaged nonstop since the new year began. I am so ready for a couple of days to turn my brain off.

I’m also crazy excited for the show tomorrow night (I love theatre so much- and I love that a pandemic can’t kill it!) Which is tiring, too, because being excited for a long time can be tiring.

Physically, I’m tired. I stayed up late buying organization items to redo my fridge and pantry last night. Like, really late. The Container Store sucks me in, man. Three hours later…..I realized it was after 1am. I was so pumped from all the trays and lazy susans and expandable racks and under shelf organizers, it took me forever to actually sleep.

Yes, I realize this makes me old. I used to stay up too late dancing and having fun… now I geek out on matching clear products that will line up my food containers in pleasing shapes. Go easy on me- it’s a pandemic! A girl has to find fun where she can.

I woke up early of course, because I’m super tired. Why does that happen? I wanted a little time with Steve before he left, too, and I was jazzed about rehearsal today. My body is so heavy, I could just fall over.

I’m tired!

On top of everything, as I wrote about previously, I’m having a little pinch of depression. It’s mostly passed, but considering how heavy I feel, and how worn out my brain feels, when I found a meditation titled “Easing Depression,” it sounded gentle and nice. I figured it could be just the right thing for today, especially because even meditating sounded exhausting.

It was nice, and gentle, and breathing helped. It was hard to concentrate, though. I think I used all my concentration up for the day. Directing a show is a lot to do, mentally. You’re watching everything, every actor, each bit of the performance, each and every time. You have to break things down, find ways to explain what you mean, discover what helps each actor find their best performance- and that’s different for each person. You don’t get a break- if you miss something, it will likely stay missed.

It’s a blast, don’t get me wrong. It’s the kind of creative collaboration I love! But after a couple of hours- when you add in Zoom fatigue especially!- your brain is like, “ok, enough, thanks!”

So, it wasn’t the most life altering meditation today. And this isn’t a life altering blog post, either. But, I did it. I showed up. I meditated. I breathed. I honored my commitment to myself, and that’s cool. That makes me happy.

So, I’m happy. And tired. Did I mention tired…..?