Feb 27- Sleep Anxiety

Meditation: Calm, Deep Sleep Release
Length: 15 minutes
Where: In my bed, Los Angeles
How It Felt: Soothing

I chose a sleep meditation yesterday because I was feeling restless and couldn’t seem to get sleepy whatever I tried.

Some nights, when my husband isn’t here, I get super anxious about going to bed. It’s weird- once I’m in the bedroom, getting ready for sleep, I’m fine. But transitioning from the office or living room into the bedroom is a struggle.

I think it’s just that I’m such a night owl. I hate when the night is over! I hate for the day to end at all. When I was a kid I used to wish with all my might that I could be magically transformed into someone who only needs one hour of sleep per night. I hated going to bed, and I hated sleeping in. I hated missing anything, ever.

I guess I’m not really too different now that I’m grown up, except that I now know without a doubt that a full night of sleep is absolutely necessary to keep me from becoming a complete lunatic. No more wishful thinking here! Still, I hate going to bed. I hate accepting defeat and giving in to my biological need for sleep. I’m usually enjoying myself too much!

When my husband and I are in the same place, at least I get excited to snuggle up with him. It’s my reward for getting succumbing to my tired body- at least I get to wrap that tired body around a sweet and sexy dude! It’s so comforting to have him next to me, I don’t get my usual anxiety around bedtime. It’s the best.

Alone? I mean, I have Tigre, the cuddliest cat ever, but he waits for me to go to bed, so I have to entice him into the room. It seems so quiet in there…. everything in the room says “no more for you!” Sure, I can stay up and watch TV or read if I really want, and I normally do one of those things. I stretch for at least 20-30 minutes. I have to wash my face and everything. It isn’t as if I walk in and instantly turn off the lights…. but there is an air of finality to it. Something about starting to wind down for the night gives me that anxious feeling like I’ll never have this day again.

Should I get more done? Did I work enough, do enough, even relax enough, if that’s what I was needing? Anxiety. Why? No idea. Totally useless anxiety.

I’ve realized now that if I use meditation to help transition to sleep it can ease that anxiety, but it can’t be a session where I’m trying to accomplish one more thing. To explain: the other night, I tried doing a gratitude sleep meditation, and I felt more anxious as I went along. I think it was because I was still fighting the end of a day. I was trying to fit in one more “task,” in this case active gratitude.

The sleep meditations that help me the most seem to be the ones that keep me extremely focused on the moment, not thinking about the rest of my life. They need to release my mind from the need to think about anything else besides relaxing and falling into a deep sleep. The body relaxation exercises help, when gentle. If they are too active, I get stressed about those, too!

Takeaway? I’m weird about sleep, and probably always will be, but I’m also fine tuning what works and what doesn’t when it comes to meditation tools. This is progress! Progress is welcome.

Maybe, now, I can be slightly less weird about bedtime. I’ll still be super weird about most other things…but slightly less weird about this.