Apr 5- Time

Meditation: Headspace, Wind Down: Light Visualization
Length: 5 minutes
Where: My Bedroom, Los Angeles
How It Felt: Really Nice

Again, I considered a sleep meditation last night, but, again, I found myself sure I would fall asleep the minute I closed my eyes and miss it. I really found my mind and body craving a “proper” meditation again.

So, I compromised. I chose a “wind down” session from Headspace that I knew would relax my mind and prepare me for sleep, but not put me to sleep.

I picked up Steve from the airport last night and, after all we’ve been through the past week and a half, it’s a huge stress release to just have him here. I sleep so much better when I can fall asleep in his arms or feel his warmth next to me all night. I missed him while he was in the hospital, in Michigan, all the time.

Feeling scared I might lose him was just about the worst feeling in the world.

I feel like I sort of disappeared into myself, my exhaustion, my emotional processing etc the past two days, and now feeling a bit more like me again. I’m craving a return to routine and regular daily activities, to meditating and reading and working out and yoga and quiet time and work and all the things it’s easy to shove to the side when something happens.

I need to reset and start fresh.

Tomorrow, Steve’s sister is coming to visit for a long weekend. We got almost no time at all with her in Florida since we were at the hospital the entire trip, so it will be really lovely to see her. After she leaves, I’m going to collapse into an introvert hole and come out glowing.

I’ve definitely put this meditation project at the end of my priority list lately, but it still made it on to the list, and that makes me proud. Still, I have so much more I want to do, learn, and write about. I want to do different meditations, read books, optimize this blog, add resources, update the layout, try more courses, and more. I don’t want to just go through the motions and check “meditate” and “write blog” off the list every day- I want to be sure I’m learning and growing.

Time for everything, and everything in its time.

Wish me luck on another busy week! Guests staying with us, Steve’s second COVID shot and whatever side effects come with that, work to do, medical stuff to work out, trips to schedule, decisions to make- just a lot going on. I just had to drop my next directing project, which was a disappointment, but sometimes life and the people in it have to come before work. Not to mention self-care.

Times like these show you what is most important if you pay attention! Grateful for the perspective and for the ability to take care of myself, too, saying “no” to things when necessary. That’s a skill I’ve been building for a long time, and it’s taken countless lessons where I didn’t trust my gut and just say “no” to get to a place where I can easily see what needs to be done.

I still torture myself over the decision, but I usually know what to do.

One last lesson I will not soon forget: meditation is a tool that can be used during these stressful times, not something else to do that day. I hope, next time things get a bit crazy, to keep that in the front of my mind.