Apr 27- Scream

Meditation: YouTube, Powerful Abundance Meditation- Manifest Your Dreams!
Length: 16 minutes
Where: Living Room, Michigan
How It Felt: Frustrating, then amazing
Who Joined Me: Steve

Tonight we took a different approach to meditating! I’ve never picked a meditation off of YouTube before, even though I know there are a million options on there. It actually feels overwhelming, like trying to find a movie on Netflix, so I prefer to usually rely on the somewhat limited choices on the apps.

Seems more manageable.

Tomorrow is Steve’s gallbladder removal surgery and we decided to get into a good headspace. I searched the apps for anything health related or positive thinking for something like a surgery, but could only really find pain management options. Then we decided it might be nice to broaden the scope and find something focused on abundance in general- abundance of health, wealth, love, all the things. It’s been awhile since we finished Chopra’s Abundance meditation challenge, and we miss the great energy it created.

Nothing like that could really be found on any of my three apps, though, so we went to the place all things can be found, the Amazon of videos: YouTube.

The session was super beautiful! The video was from Live The Life You Love, which has over a quarter of a million subscribers, so they must be doing something right. I really haven’t been focused on what I call “Secret-ing” lately (as in the film/book The Secret and all that Law of Attraction stuff) and I miss it! We started with a relaxation exercise, and went on to some golden light visualization and powerful manifestation stuff. Loved it.

I almost gave up a few minutes in, though. Oh my gosh. We had thrown some towels into the washer (Steve had to fix the toilet in the master bedroom today- ahhhh the glamorous world of home ownership!) and, for whatever reason, the washer started clanking INCREDIBLY LOUDLY right when we started meditating. It’s never this loud. Never. And it wasn’t just loud, but this horrible repetitive sound that I believe they could use to torture prisoners of war.

It just got. Under. My. Skin.

I tried to ignore it, but the more I ignored, the more annoying it became. It was like the universe insisted on testing my hold on equanimity. Have I really come that far? How patient is meditation actually making me?

Maybe three or four minutes in, I had the overwhelming urge to scream and throw my phone at the wall. Seriously. That’s how crazy it was making me. BUT- I didn’t! I told myself to breathe through the irritation. I reminded myself that this exact situation is why I’m meditating every day, to learn to deal with these things without getting ruffled or unhinged.

Breathe, I thought to myself. Just keep breathing.

Magically, thankfully, the sound stopped. The washer switched to a more consistent swooshing sound, and I got lost in the rest of the session. Oof.

I count this as a win! I didn’t panic. I didn’t freak out when I wanted to freak out. I didn’t totally lose my mind and ruin my own experience or my husband’s. I breathed out the frustration and worked through it. Proud of myself!

I have an end-of-month check-in coming soon, and I want to remember this! It may seem small, but for me, after a lifetime of having no patience and a quick temper (not a mean one, and it dies as quickly as it came, but still), this is progress.

What can I say? I’m practically a Zen master now….if that’s defined by “NOT screaming in the middle of a meditation.” So, yeah- AMAZING. *brushes off shoulder*

(I did, however, scream my head off when a centipede crawled up my foot later in the evening… a scream my husband claimed was “louder than I’ve ever heard you scream”… so it’s possible I was just holding that scream deep, deep inside, waiting for a reason to let it out. Let’s not all think about that right now though, and mostly focus on how totally chill I am…)

(Real life representation of how balanced I am inside, obviously.) Photo by Shiva Smyth on Pexels.com