May 20- Break

Meditation: Calm, 7 Days of Calming Anxiety: Pausing
Length: 11 minutes
Where: In bed, Los Angeles
How It Felt: Soothing
Who Joined Me: Steve

Today, I got my first mani/pedi since before the pandemic…

And it was GLORIOUS!

I forgot how amazing it feels to get pampered, to let someone else take care of you in that way. So relaxing, so good for the soul and spirit. I feel like I’m about to start remembering why I loved a lot of things I’ve been going without very soon!

Like… proper vacations? International travel? Yes, please!

In 34 hours we’ll be on that plane to Mexico, and I certainly hope that by 40 hours we will be lounging by a pool with drinks in our hands! I’m so, so ready!

Steve especially needs a real vacation. This guy always works hard, but he’s been putting in even more hours since he started working from home last year. His job is just nonstop. I know he loves what he does, but he seriously deserves a break!

And we deserve some quality couple time for our anniversary, of course! Six years on Sunday- it flies by! Every passing year just gets better and better. It’s so cliche to say “marry your best friend”- but I can’t recommend it enough. It just makes everything in life so much better.

(Or don’t get married, or do whatever you want- but if you do, make sure you really, really like that person! Like for real!)

Tonight we got to meditate together, holding hands in bed like the dying couple in Titanic. The session was about learning to pause between your thoughts and your reaction, giving yourself some breathing room before you spin out with anxiety. This is something I’ve really been working on, so I loved it! I’ve written before that I don’t love being as reactive as I tend to be in every day life, and a big goal of mine is to cultivate the ability to think and breathe before I react.

I’m starting to really get it, I think! I’m catching my anxiety before it spins, calling it out, naming it. Figuring out what it’s telling me and how to bust it. So good.

Of course, I also worked through some deep childhood trauma crap last year, and that’s helped me a lot, too. I didn’t realize how much some of that stuff still had a hold on me. I was trying to be everything to everyone, to please people who couldn’t be pleased, and sometimes that required majorly compromising who I am, which was incredibly unhealthy. I tore down a lot of walls I had been taught I needed but knew I really didn’t. I opened up in a whole new way and started trusting people a lot more.

All of that took a huge bite out of my anxiety already. Now, I feel I’m just sanding off the edges with fine grit sandpaper. It’s more about breaking those anxiety habits now. A lifetime of reacting one way when it’s simply not necessary.

I am safe. I am whole. I am loved. I am supported. I am secure.

I am enough.

I am enough.

To quote the great Huck Walton:

I am so much more than enough!

And so, my friend, are you! I promise!

Find someone you can be silly with forever. Otherwise you’ll have to grow up! Gross!