Jun 25- Late Night

Meditation: Headspace, Body Scan
Length: 3 minutes
Where: Bedroom, Los Angeles
How It Felt: Too short!

I’m noticing a recurring theme.

Most days I find it difficult to want to stop what I’m doing and meditate, to be honest. That’s why I’m so incredibly proud of myself for sticking with it every single day! It isn’t about not wanting to meditate, not at all. I love meditating. It’s just that I have a problem with focus and transitions.

It doesn’t matter what I’m doing. If I’m reading a book, relaxing, taking a walk, cleaning, talking to a friend, whatever it is. I have always struggled with going from one thing to the next. Whatever I’m doing right then has all my focus and energy. It’s like changing directions in a fast car. I don’t like it.

I’m a big slave to inertia. I go hard then stop hard. I don’t just clean a few things here and there, but clean everything at once. If I’m resting my brain, I like to give it a full day. Once I get moving, I can’t stop easily.

This is why a morning routine would be so beneficial to me, because I feel like I could put everything together into one category. “Morning Routine.” Do the thing, then the next thing, then the next thing. Yoga, meditate, write, study, make tea and answer emails….

Something like that.

Lately I’m worse at mornings than I’ve been in a long time. Probably ever. The pandemic let me live on my natural schedule: come alive in the evening, be creative and productive late into the night, sleep in. It’s how I’ve always been. It’s how my internal clock works. No matter how much I adjust to an early schedule, I slip back to my biological rhythm the minute I get a chance.

So, meditation tends to get procrastinated. Then, by the time I talk myself into doing it, I’m often so eager to get it over with that I choose a short one. Or the shortest available. And, true to form, once I start, I wish it was longer.

I’m a frustrating individual sometimes, even to myself.

So, last night I did a Body Scan session, and I love those. They only offer one or three minute options. Three minutes sounded like an eternity, but it was over in the blink of an eye. I was left feeling terribly unsatisfied- not a feeling I’m used to in any way…. *wink*

So, what to do? I think I’m naturally going to be forced into less vampire-like hours very soon. Actually, I know I am. Then I can make better use of the mornings. Afternoons are just useless for me, whatever I do. I could wake up at 5am or 12pm and the space between noon and five are just blah. It’s the way I’m wired….

I’m strange.

I’ll trust the easiest answer- I’ve already started booking work and, with the exception of theatre gigs, I mostly will have to adjust to a more “normal” block of time. Tomorrow I have to get up for an early rehearsal already, actually. It’s happening. I can’t escape it.

Back to the land of the living.

It’s weird to think that basically the first half of this blog will more or less represent the pace of life during a pandemic, and, for the most part, the second half won’t. It will be crazy to come back and read these posts someday. Remember how strange it all was. More lazy days back to back than I’ve ever experienced in my life, and more than I’m ever likely to experience again. (I don’t have, like “retirement” plans. I hope to perform til I just keel over one day! And write, too! And paint, and play music, and sing, and travel….)

Body scans are a beautiful thing, by the way. I’m never more present in a meditation. It’s so nice to have something so tangible to focus on. Just lovely.

If only this one were a bit longer… maybe I can find another? Homework.