Meditation: Balance, Gratitude Length: 15 minutes Where: Office/Guest Room, Los Angeles How It Felt: So beautiful Who Joined Me: Tigre
Yesterday started out a bit rough, then the edges smoothed as the day went on. I had to take my car into the dealer for some electrical issues and the process went terribly for some reason. Miscommunications, a stressed out service rep who seemed to want to vent his frustration somewhere and I was there, no real answers- that kind of thing. It was weird, because I’ve been to this dealership a lot and never had issues. This is my second car of this brand, both quite new, and I’ve been coming here for years.
I drove home in a bit of a state, one problem fixed but not the other (car totally drivable, it’s fine, just some voice recognition problems suddenly, and some electric stuff, like turn signal malfunction alerts when the signal works fine. They checked and refilled my tire though, the only safety issue!) I started thinking about what had just transpired, and came to a few conclusions.
One, I think masks make interpersonal interactions quite difficult sometimes. It’s kind of like texting, I’m learning. I thought back to a rehearsal recently where we were all wearing masks, and the director kept telling me to play it less “angry.” But I was smiling, actually. I wasn’t feeling angry (in character) at all. I think sometimes when humans only have a tone and body language but no facial cues, things can get lost in translation.
Two, I’m sure customer service people everywhere are especially stressed right now. I tried to be overly understanding and kind for that reason, but this pandemic is never ending and it’s certainly wearing on all of us.
Three, I checked my own energy. I’ve been a little manic, but that’s no excuse to not be responsible for the energy you bring into a space. I definitely noticed I was still running hot, which maybe also explained why my tone may not have matched how I was feeling. Perhaps that is what lead this man to think I was frustrated or demanding when I was simply asking questions about what to expect.
That last one got me thinking about how often I fritz out electronics when I’m in a terrible mood. The problem had started the day before, quite suddenly, and kept getting worse as the day went on. My very new (15,000 miles- still under warranty!), wonderful car was randomly not working? It didn’t make sense. Of course these things happen, but they couldn’t find the source of the issue at the dealer, and it seemed to get worse when I was in the car.
Let’s break it down:
It started with the weird turn signal malfunction alert, which came and went for several days, during which I felt stressed about a specific issue. It stopped when that issue was dealt with.
Then I got in yesterday in a high manic state because I had to run errands (I generally avoid driving when I’m amped up but obviously can’t always) and immediately the navigation system wasn’t responding to my voice commands. At all. It would spin and spin and then suggest, did I mean Maine? Some other country? I’m sorry, I couldn’t understand that! A problem I’ve never encountered in two years of owning this car.
I had to run to a bunch of random places I didn’t know, so I found this frustrating. I got more amped up. I had to pull over and put the address in manually. This is not a big life problem, but it’s the type of speed bump that you don’t want to hit when you’re already frustrated. You don’t want to deal with anything else.
I turned the car on and off, the system on and off. I tried different things after each stop. Get out. Lock the car, maybe that will reset it? Nothing mattered.
At one point, even inputting the address manually wasn’t recognized. I didn’t have time for that! I was suuuuper worked up by then.
Shortly after my next stop, the media stopped working. I would set it to satellite, it switched itself to Pandora. Over and over. Five times. Until I turned it off. It went on like that.
The next day, by the time I left the dealership, totally stressed out by this guy unloading on me out of nowhere, having been told it was working fine and getting in to discover that wasn’t the case, I was peak bad mood. I was using any good energy I had left to be extra pleasant to everyone checking me out, pulling up my car, etc. I never want to take my frustration out on a hapless bystander.
I got in the car, feeling like I wanted to explode…
And my phone wouldn’t connect. I couldn’t call my husband. I couldn’t do anything. It was connected, but it would disconnect every time I tried to make a call. I tried disconnecting and reconnecting manually, it didn’t help.
My car was somehow worse!
I called the technician back over and explained the issue, asked if he could help. He got in, disconnected, deleted, reconnected… it worked.
It worked.
I felt better. It continued working.
Why am I writing out this silly saga in all this detail? Because it’s all about energy, isn’t it? I learn that lesson over and over, and I believe it so deeply, yet I constantly forget somehow.
People might not believe that electronics around me stop working when I’m in a terrible mood, but it’s been true my entire life. Someone explained to me once that certain people have strong electromagnetic fields. I don’t really understand fully, but I’ve studied enough quantum physics to see how it happens. My watches always die in a few months- I have to get those battery plans where they will replace them unlimited times forever. (Those poor shops don’t know how much work they are signing up for!) I’ve had TVs turn off completely during fights, lights flicker, and all kinds of crazy phenomena like this.
So, I really believed the problem might be with me!
I got home and calmed myself. I talked to Steve, he calmed me more. I took a gummy, felt very calm.
Verrrrry calm.
I chose a gratitude meditation on purpose. Intentional gratitude is always the thing that effects my energy the most in a positive way. I also chose the fifteen minute option, which was the longest. I figured I should get serious about this!
Right at the beginning something happened that changed my mood completely. The Balance app has these wavy lines that sort of flow up and down as the guide speaks. Tigre ran in to join me on my meditation cushion right as I was getting started, and he noticed the line. Because he is adorable, he crouched down and pounced on it, then spent the first two minutes of the session pawing at it, confused.
I spent the first two minutes peeking at his preciousness.
I smiled the rest of the session.
The next thirteen minutes were all about relaxing and focusing on what we are grateful for- what an amazing feeling! I ended feeling like a totally different person. Happy, calm, light, joyful. My face ached from smiling so hard! Brilliant!
And guess what happened? We won the lottery last night!
Okay, not exactly! But, Steve and I play the same numbers all the time, our six lucky numbers, just for fun. We started doing it when we were dating and realized if we every stopped and those numbers hit, we’d be so bummed! So, we buy a new ticket every six weeks or whatever it is, and we win $2 here and $5 there. It’s just a fun thing to do together.
Last night, we won $200, matching four numbers!
Is it life-changing money? Nope. Is it awesome? Yep! More importantly, I took it as a sign I had adjusted my energy for real! Back to gratitude and luck and abundance and winning and fun and joy and surprises and excitement!
And, wouldn’t you know it? I got into my car this morning and everything worked. Good as new.
Unbelievable.
We are so powerful. Why do we let ourselves ever forget that?
My Year of Meditation 