Aug 15- Release

Meditation: Headspace, Release
Length: 10 minutes
Where: Office/Guest Room, Los Angeles
How It Felt: Lighter after

On a plane at the moment. On my way to Detroit for our party. As sad as it was to have my show canceled, one huge benefit is that I’ll get to Steve two days sooner! I’ve missed that man like crazy! This gap in seeing each other was way too long. This is what happens when we both get busy during a pandemic!

I finished the book Untamed by Glennon Doyle tonight and it left me so inspired! It really spoke to me in a deep way and altered something within me. One of the biggest things I realized was how much I was holding on to that it was time to let go of: expectations, responsibility for other’s comfort at my own expense, habit of shrinking myself for someone else’s insecurities, some pictures in my head of how I wanted things to be (to be replaced with pictures of how beautifully it turned out instead), relationships that demand validation or dishonesty to survive- a whole long list of things like that.

So, for my meditation I chose “Release” from Headspace, to help visualize letting go of what no longer serves me. We imagined we were a tree, rooted and strong, branches reaching upward. Then, we imagined leaves growing, then autumn comes, and many of the leaves change color and fall away. These are the leaves of things you don’t need to carry any longer. They fall, turn to compost, and nourish the land underneath you.

How beautiful is that?

I feel like I’ve been on the cusp of this shift for a while now, knowing I was close to where I wanted to be but not sure exactly how to get there. This book basically provided that road map. I’m seeing so many things with new eyes, or, rather, seeing them authentically for the first time. So much anger and fear drained out of me, most of which I didn’t even realize I still had.

I feel really, fully myself. No armor, nothing to fear, nothing to prove. Just me, knowing myself deeply and refusing to change myself to meet the world anymore.

I’m just really excited for whatever is next!