Meditation: Balance, Foundations: Day 4 Length: 5 minutes Where: Bedroom, Los Angeles How It Felt: Nice!
Man, oh man, I am sooooo sick of blogging about meditating!!
Maybe if I had done it the way I originally intended, which was to become some sort of awesome meditation guru with all this expert knowledge on all of it or something. Maybe if I had become super fascinated by the science behind it and held group meditations and interviewed people who were part of that community. Maybe if I’d read a bunch of books and had topics laid out for each post…
But, frankly, I’m an actor first, and an “all-my-hyphenates” next, and I love to make money doing fun gigs third…. and I just didn’t expect this year to be so busy!
I love to write, I do, but writing every single day about myself or my experience gets soooo boring. I’m sick of myself! And since I decided to write honestly about this year-long experiment, let me tell you honestly: a year is a long time to do something every single day!
If it was just the meditation, well, that would be a lot easier. But without this blog to keep me accountable, I doubt I would have followed through.
So, I write and I write and I write. “I’m busy today.” “I’m tired today.” “Today was great, hard, cool, long, etc” And I try and try to write directly after meditating, but I get so sick of it, I procrastinate, and then I always seem to be behind, and it’s so much, dude.
I’m still in that 18-22 mile mark of the marathon. I still have more than a month and a half left. I’m crabby. The days are short, and it’s dark all the time. I have to think about the holidays and travel and gifts and another year ending and what do I still want to accomplish before it’s suddenly 2022?
And yet every day I have to write, write, write.
I haven’t written a script or a scrap of a book idea or anything else, really, all year, except for a couple of first drafts of essays that I never want to go back and finish because I have to
This is honesty! This is how I’m feeling today! Because I have so many other tasks I’d like to get done and I had to stop and sit and write because I said I would and here I am.
Listen, this is all going to pay off in spades. It already is. Discipline, commitment, persistence, setting your mind to a big goal and then accomplishing it, despite what life throws at you- blah blah blah. I’ve written blogs from hospital rooms, from Mexico in the middle of the most romantic vacations, from hotel rooms all over the country while my husband sleeps peacefully next to me, from work, from set, from the car on road trips- everywhere. I have done it. No matter how busy or burnt out I am or how much I don’t want to sit and write, I do it.
That’s something I will carry with me forever. From now on, when my brain tells me I don’t have the fortitude to follow through with something, I’ll know better.
But goooooood I am so sick of it right now!!
I just want to see the finish line. I want to be able to say it’s so close I can touch it. But it isn’t. It’s around a few more bends and that is just torture at this moment.
The meditating is magical. It’s amazing. I wouldn’t take back any of this. I’m so glad I did it.
But, like…can it be over soon?