Dec 27- Next

Meditation: Headspace, Transforming Anger #5
Length: 11 minutes
Where: Bedroom, Michigan
How It Felt: Daydreamy- I floated away…

These Transforming Anger sessions are good!

This one was about recognizing that feeling anger can be a good thing. For instance, when we feel our anger in a time of injustice, it can motivate us to feel more empathy or move us to take action. That is actually a positive thing.

However, they note, you shouldn’t move forward in anger. The anger should be used to point to a problem, not to hold on to. That clicks with me so hard. When I was volunteering for the last election, I was so wrapped up in the stakes, in all the people who would continue to suffer if we didn’t make big changes, I was stressed beyond the max. I couldn’t function (this was of course combined with pandemic stress, which I couldn’t really help). I could have done even more good if I had tools that helped me move past the nasty words of this or that Trumper, or the disgusting racism coming back against the BLM movement. But it felt completely crushing.

Side note- how do people just not care about other people? Or the world? Or living creatures? I can’t imagine going through life with blinders on that way, just looking out for #1. It’s heartbreaking to me and, frequently, infuriating.

But now I understand better. I’m supposed to get angry, but then I’m supposed to let that move through me and out. This is how I do my best work. This is how I help the most people.

So, this is what I must learn to do, and well. Because I really don’t want to live a life where my emotions incapacitate me in any way. Not anymore.

There is so much work to do.

I’ve been thinking about returning to school for a Political Science degree. It would be for me, not really for anything involving my career. My plan was always politics and activism long term, along with acting (and writing, directing, etc.) I don’t need a degree to do these things, but I do want to learn a lot more so I can have the best impact, and this felt like one way to do that.

Plus, I love school! I am always taking classes online anyway or reading books about these types of subjects. And I have a chance to do it all for free through my union. So, 2022 possibilities….

Currently writing this from bed, Tigre pretzeled up on my chest, warm and soft. Steve downstairs managing kids, being the amazing dad he always is. We had some beautiful moments in parenting this week. I love those kids more than my heart can take sometimes, even though they aren’t “mine” by blood, even though the situation is made challenging some days by outside forces.

Today we have one last family get together – we’ve cautiously distanced from most of these, so it’s our first one with the kids. Covid still too real. These are friends who are family, with kids our kids call cousins. We will have fun!

Then Canada and LA and Tahoe!

Exciting times!